husband doesn t want to go on family vacation
Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. Id seriously question the value of marriage counseling at this point, unless hes willing to fundamentally change his views of his power over another adult. Its just such a common conference/trade show city! And shell never be the breadwinner, but again, thats what she signed up for from the get-to. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! It's not super fun, but not a nightmare either. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! Dont get in a bike accident! However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. Yup. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. Vegas is an extremely popular destination for conferences and business trips. He thinks it's going to be too difficult. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. Get yourself some counseling, with or without your husband (and explore whether or not this is the type of relationship that is healthy for you to continue to be in). Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. source: awkward . No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. All rights reserved. Some of the really big conventions and annual conferences only have a few places to choose from. Whats more surprising is that youre the main provider. .Im pretty sure my m-in-l would do that. However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. I agree. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Hopefully the comment section will help the OP see what is going on here. Sorry if I didnt tie that up explicitly enough. Hope youre all right, OP. Not because marriage counseling is likely to stop the abuse you are right, it wont. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. who believe the TV/movie depictions of the city and sort of forget that there are people who live there and work there, going about their everyday lives. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. Would he demand she quit? Blergh. I dont know that I am articulating this as succinctly as I could be, but I hope you know where Im coming from. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. 8 1 11 1. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. It mostly makes me question his survey methods, which I assume involved leading questions like, would you let your wife go to a naked business orgy in Las Vegas?. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. It may not be, in this case. The husband is acting like a jerk and the OP needs to figure out whether this is something/someone she can live with and whether he is capable of improving. Im a bit flabbergasted. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). (I lost 30 pounds not eating while she was away, and we both shed lots of tears at TSA seeing her off) Now, new project, wife just did 12 days in Portland just saw her off for 3 days planning there for another two week project there. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. Im sure your husband isnt a huge jerk or anything, but this is not healthy and he should not be pressuring you to do something that would risk your job. My partner has some anxiety when I travel to remote, rural areas by car, especially when I am alone. So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. Yes!! Well there it is. I agree with the counseling suggestion. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. I LOVE it when my wife travels. Hes worrying that someone might hurt her, too. Sometimes, friends are there after husbands are gone. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. One woman I met recently on a week-long work trip said it was the longest time shed been apart from her husband in 15 years. OP, I feel for you and your husband. Ill wait. Another option is to share infowhen you get there take a picture of where you are stayingshow the agenda, let him know what you are doing, check in at the end of the night. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. I think that couples counseling is the best place to start, no matter what the underlying problem is, because its a relationship problem that hes laying on her. Or leave? Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. A few weeks after I started a great job, my mother-in-law literally messaged me and my husband to ask if we were able to put food on the table and should she send us money, so I can relate. I think the phrasing is awkward, but its in there because he brought this up to his spouse to justify his position, so Im pretty sure he means they all agreed that theyd object to such a trip too. I have horrible anxiety. In either case though, go on the trip. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. Personally, I think its far more likely that hes just using others or my friends agree as a generic point in his favor without actually having asked them. Best of luck to you. So yeah somethings just not right. Aw, hell gonna cancel my reservation then! Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). Go on your trip! Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. They were lost and just wanted to get back to the station, happened to see one guy had a gun and started cryingwhich caused all the guys to worriedly come over, try to calm them down, then send a guy to escort them personally to the train station. I bet youll have a blast. If your partner has been in therapy for years and isnt making progress, its very possible that their therapist doesnt have the full picture. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) While she comes back with great stories of what she saw people doing, shes never felt in danger or anything like that. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. Can you cut it out, or find someone else to talk to about your worry?. Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. I think Id feel safer there than in my own city, where things can get desolate sometimes.