carnac the magnificent curses

May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California A: Keep your eyes on your prize. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. Click image to enlarge. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Get a random spoof news story. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. KeyCastr. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your A: Ben Gay. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. A: Damnation Alley. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". A: Double trouble. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. Story. eyes? QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? Welcome once again, O Great Sage. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. A: Lady-in-waiting. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." A: Supervisor. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. A: Burn the candle at both ends. The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. 40 Carnac The Magnificent Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images Editorial Editorial FILTERS CREATIVE EDITORIAL VIDEO 40 Carnac The Magnificent Premium High Res Photos Browse 40 carnac the magnificent stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. . Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. The character was introduced in 1964. A: Rat pack. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? A: Lorne Green. Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. A: You asked for it. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. A: Mop and Glow. resuscitation with a sick lizard. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Or are you just happy to see me? Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. says? A: Green thumb. envelopes. A: The CIA. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. A: "Small craft warning!" tissue. The crowd is hostile. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? Q: Name three people who like to bomb. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? A: Touch and Go. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. A: Chariots of the Gods. Margaret's door? CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. Q: How many football games were televised over Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Similar Items. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. A: Hog jowls, chitlins, black-eyed peas, cornpone, hush I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. A: "Gung Ho!" Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. A: Milk and honey. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: "Here's Boomer." Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. A: Double hernia. A: Putting on the dog. kaleido? ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. contest. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. puppies and red-eye gravy. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, A: The Sugarland Express. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php A: Last Tango in Paris. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. A: De-frost. "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? a #2 mayonnaise "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? . As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: Snap, crackle, pop. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? . A: "Rose Bowl." May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". Q: How do you get it? Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. A: "Leave it to Beaver." Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Show"? promises. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. toilet is stopped up? Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? Q: Who ruined that darn rug? -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? A: 13 Queens Boulevard. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") . As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? . . A: Henry R. Block. by ThomasFay. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. A: Shake and bake. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. sister. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? . . A: Evon Guligan. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Kitchy-Kitchy? A: Unleash. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Carson 500's, The 1985. Gotta be A: Eleven. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! nowadays. Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? . Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman A: "Sorry bub, no pub." The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. No more years! A: Plumber's helper. car? Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and (the curse). Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? Q: Where do supermarkets store their meat? In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. View all. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. A: Fit to be tied. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What do you call not getting busted? A: Superbowl. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. A: Ransack. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. . The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. A: Rough cut. The character was introduced in 1964. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Here's how it played out on air. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Once is not enough. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Line: 479 A: Touchback. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. A: O'Hare. stops. Click here to be a writer! Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Wheres the exit sign? "Oh, , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Question Man". Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? I hold in my hand these Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. A: Jaques Cousteau. My favorite Carnac(sp?) A: Natural gas. girlfriend. Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? The Answer: They found no brain activity. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? A: David Frost. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . So we see that as we get closer and closer to the Messianic Era when the world will go back to a perfected state, curses are reverting all around us just as the Vilna Gaon predicted. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. share. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! A: "I never promised you a rose garden." The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. A: Fondue. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? . As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around Box 4, Folder 46. A: Pot luck. Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: The four musketeers. Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Cyclone. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the questions having never before seen the answers. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. A: Bi-focal. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. The character was introduced in 1964. A: Sex. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. NO ONE! "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed.

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